The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.

Every day...a new post. Every other real weight. Every pictures.

For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Day the 70th, and no, you haven't skipped a day...

...I got the numbering goofed up last week on Weigh-In Wednesday, and just noticed obsessive me decided I must fix it, which I have. And then post about it, which I am.

Reader, I ate breakfast. Yes, I did. I made myself eat an apple to get the ol' system going. Then lunch today was a...salad...but tonight, I am making eggplant salad by golly...I am so excited. If it turns out to be really good, I will post the recipe. I love vegetables...I love eggplant.

Actually, I love fresh and raw the best, but that's not always possible. My attitude is: eat as much raw salad as possible, with the best possible dressings (the ones that taste good and have natural, fresh--even raw--ingredients.)

Because here's a home truth, as my British friends say, about food: if you don't like it, you won't eat it over the long run. Now, there is an exception to this: if MOST of what you eat are things you like, you can force yourself frequently to eat something that you know you need as if it were medicine.

And anyone who isn't fully aware that food is often the best medicine (I don't mean the self-medicating pint of Ben and Jerry's although in my now-reformed past, I must admit to having indulged a time or several hundred...), well, you heard it here and now you know...

A different tack today, because I have discovered something I totally love. It's the famous (to some people) Bach Original Flower Essences. I must thank Nancois for my even knowing squat about these because back when we worked in the same branch of Corporate America, she mentioned these to me--in fact, she said she used them on animals to help calm them down. Which you definitely can and they are helpful to the animal's system--not just some sedative.

They are actually the essences of various flowers that act to regulate the chemistry affecting certain emotions. I take them. They work. Yes, they do.

I try not to hide the fact that I have bipolar disorder. Actually, I have bipolarity, and it has a few disordering aspects (as I am fond of saying, and I know I have posted about this before.) My emotions can be a seething cauldron of misery if I don't watch it. I have taken prescription meds out the wazoo for the past few years, and when they stop working, they really stop--except they sort of slow down, and I go into denial that they are not working. I could go on for hours about this but won't. This disorder--and the mess created by the meds--has done things to my life that I have trouble discussing rationally. Or without sobbing like I'm 5 and the other little kindergartner has taken my blocks and bopped me on the head with them...

To handle this, I did the one thing that I knew might help me--I changed how I eat as of 70 days ago (oh yeah, and for major thinosity, too.) That makes a major difference--but I am still bipolar. I still have these...hard times. And as I confessed a few weeks back, I had a major meltdown between Christmas this year and New Year's. It threw me for the proverbial loop. As in, a really terrible loop.

And then I realized that I had not been faithfully taking my Bach Flower Essences. So...I got with it, purchased another one--the wonderful blend known as Bach's Rescue Remedy, and I have just recently bought "Mustard." It is for "suddenly descending gloom for no reason." I also take "Holly" for "feelings of suspicious, anger, fury and revenge." I personally have renamed Holly the one "so I don't scratch out the eyes of irritating people." Rescue Remedy is for handling stress--which bipolar people don't tend to handle well at all. I am doing...well. I am pleased. And I work on eating correctly, getting enough sleep, and staying away from situations (when I can) that produce lots of stress. I am careful and mindful of my life. It's the only one I have. I want it to be as much of a masterpiece as it can be. I owe lots of people--my dear late parents, my friends, my former and future students, and yes, God--that much. Not to mention I owe it to myself.

I want a happy life, not a miserable one. I am starting to experience a sort of contentment and happiness I have rarely known--and experiencing it over the long haul...this is a good thing. Oh let's be honest, it's tantamount to a doggone miracle when you're me...

I mention these because a former student (whom I do not think reads this but if you do, Sonja--thanks for creating the situation that caused me to post about this stuff) who posted on Facebook that her six-year-old sometimes recently was having crying fits that would go on for 30 minutes and that nothing seemed to calm him down. She was pulling her hair out (figuratively. Her pics seem to indicate a full head of hair...) and knew that at least some advice would be, "Spank him!"

And I don't much like that. As a person who has watched her emotions spin out of control over the years, I find that harshness and anger and violence are not the way to go. They never helped me. And sometimes, a small child can have such enormous emotions and cannot--almost literally cannot--control them without some compassionate help. I'm all for discipline, but I'm not for this approach. Yes, some children learn to be hysterical to get attention, but some children are terribly sensitive. Will spanking stop it? Very possibly--but at what cost? I don't want to get into the spanking vs no spanking debate. I don't think it works for every situation and for every child in every situation.'s that?

So...ol' me here recommended Rescue Remedy (and another friend of hers said "it works!" which made me feel good) and I hope that whatever she does doesn't start with spanking a child at the end of his rope...

What does this have to do with anything on this blog?

First, I did want to recommend the Bach Flower Remedies (and no, they are not paying me. Doggone it.) and second, to say that we have to be very careful with our bodies--that we cannot pour a bunch of crap into them (food, medicine, drink or otherwise, including thoughts and people who are not good for us) without serious consequences. No, this is not "salvation through nutrition," but I am convinced much of our misery comes from just letting anything in.

There are people whom I would never let past my front door--partly because I don't know some of them...and some who are not welcome (not anyone reading this blog so don't start wondering and getting all suspicious or I'll have to mail you some Holly Flower Essence...) Yet, I look back at the food I have eaten that had all sorts of preservatives ("approved by the FDA") and additives and artificial ingredients and colors and flavorings, food and drink with all of the goodness cooked out of it, and I am amazed I have not had worse problems. Oh, and as a kid, I had major atopic eczema which also made my life miserable...

As I learned a few days after Christmas, I have no business eating a bunch of sweet stuff without knowing what's in it. I am, however, determined to make something that is an "ice cream" (maybe my own "tofutti") that is sweetened with healthy sweeteners and which has healthy ingredients. When I create a great recipe that you can eat without gagging, I'll post it. Of course, I'm waiting until the summer when the idea of ice cream is so exciting, because it's not remotely exciting to me right now...

All right, all right, don't nag me, if you are just bound and determined you want to investigate these Bach Flower Essences for yourself, here is the link:

They have made a difference for me (and that doesn't mean they are The Answer for everyone, but they do help me manage stress and hey! I eat the worst under times of stress. I mean, the very worst. I have friends who behave in ways they really don't like under stress and oh, how I count myself in that group...)

But anyhoodle, a big shout out to several of you who have faithfully followed this blog. I love looking at the stats and seeing that Karin in Paris is reading it.

All right...until I get an answer, I'm posting this daily: mojoandkiki--who are you? Feel free to email me personally or whatever, but I'm desperately trying to figure out who you are, and I can tell we know each other...

Thank you all--this bus ride is getting smoother and smoother...

And no, no exercise yesterday (because I went to see Megamind with some of the guys from Choir...way too much fun! I enjoyed it a big bunch...)



1 comment:

  1. It's just me. I have been absent trying to get our company's 2010 taxes and paperwork together and was thinking about you today. I just realized I needed to catch up on over two weeks of your blog. I am so proud of you, because you have been faithful to report every day and you have not given up. GOOD FOR YOU! I used the mojoandkiki for another social network and forget that you know me by Melinda (Tyler) Godwin. I am just too stupid to post a picture, (like "stupor" stupid, not super stupid.) I'm working on a crochet blanket for a little girl. It makes me happy to think that we have something else in common. Also, my husband, Christopher and I are taking the confirmation classes at All Saints Anglican Cathedral. So, there it is.... mystery solved. We all love you very much and want all the "good stuff" to be yours...Happy New Year...Happy New Everything!


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