The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.
Every day...a new post. Every other week...my real weight. Every month...new pictures.
For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.
Monday, January 31, 2011
My family and I come from a nearby state, and my parents' relatives all lived in a fairly near-by town, but one in which I did not grow up.
Generally, when we went "up there", we went to a place called Coley's and ate...Coley's special which was "Coney Islanders"--or as the young folks say today, a chili dog.
Coley's exists no more, but I can see in my mind the varnished pine booths, with a window looking out on the Coca-Cola bottling plant. It was sort of a dive, in a not-very-good part of town.
And people flocked to Coley's. My mom said that all you had to say to my widowed grandmother was, "Let's go to Coley's!" and she had her coat and purse before you knew it.
Yes, I'm sure there were other items on the menu, but our family always got the coneys. I loved them. I learned at an early age to douse them with Louisiana Hot Sauce--not Tabasco, but Louisiana Hot Sauce. They were wonderful. Wonderful. I think I had my last Coley's coney in the 70s when Coley's opened a sort of "last stand" operation in a very nice part of town for people like me who are in the grip of nostalgia. And who like a good coney.
It didn't last all that long, and Coley's is a thing of the past. But the love it engendered in me for Louisiana Hot Sauce will last fo-evah...I even bought a new bottle the other day and was delighted to note that the cost was 50 cents. The great big bottle is about $2-something. Not bad at all.
Having memories like going to Coley's with my parents, looking out at the Coca-Cola bottling center, and generally swilling Coca-Cola with my highly nourishing coneys--well, that is a good thing. We went very infrequently--just enough to remind ourselves that some foods are treats. Of course, I can go down the street to Coney-Islander here in town and get four coneys, complete with grated cheese and minced onion. And Louisiana Hot Sauce. And I can wash them down with lots more Coca-Cola than I would have imagined as a kid. Occasional treats have become the steady diet. And we wonder why Americans struggle with their weight...and their health.
But I digress. I simply have happy memories of Coley's with Mom and Dad and the Brothers. And other people who went with us. It was a simpler time, and I remember my parents that way.
However, today, I had some high-roughage salad (coleslaw...the ubiquitous coleslaw at work...and this variety had lots of purple cabbage and carrot in it. This is a good thing, but keep in mind, lots of fiber...) doused heavily with Louisiana Hot Sauce.
So in the interests of Public Health, I would like to post this Warning:
Never, never eat extremely high fiber food when you haven't eaten much for a few days. Particularly if you drench it in Louisiana Hot Sauce.
Be warned...be very warned...your body will not know what hit it, and you will be making a run for that locale the French so charmingly have named the salon du bain. And I mean run in the literal sense...
(And remember, I am looking for a new place to live by end of February so find a way to get all recommendations to me. I'm interested. Yes, I am.)
Oh wait a minute. This isn't Casablanca and I'm not Sam singing "As Time Goes By."
No, it's just that Sunday 1/30/11 and Saturday 1/29/11 are so similar...very little appetite...feeling kind of yicky, coughing, etc.
I did manage on Sunday to get out to the laundromat and do two loads of clothes. Why, you ask, when I was terribly sick, albeit getting better?
That's so simple--I was out of clothes. I mean, out of clean ones. No clean slacks, no clean underwear (blush...), no clean black turtlenecks (the staple of my wardrobe) no clean pjs (that hurt. The no clean pjs. It did. Terribly.) and my black hoodie needed a bath. I mean, really, people... I was way behind in doing laundry, and had I not been sick earlier in the last week, I would have, etc. etc. But I wasn't, and I didn't.
So...out we went, all bundled up and doing 2 loads of laundry. Which was not the worst experience of my young life. Quiet, efficient, and done. Then, it was off to Wal Mart to get some grapefruit because I have been craving it...not the craving that says, "Go ahead, order a pizza and a liter of Coca-Cola and while you're at it, run by Braum's for a hot fudge sundae..." No, the craving that says, "My body wants and needs this." I figure when we crave good food, we're on the right track.
And I read something at Wal Mart that made me sad...Jack LaLanne died.
Do you remember him? When I was a kid, he had an exercise program on TV--really kitschy, and he was so impossibly enthusiastic and peppy. But as it turns out, Brother LaLanne exercised every single day, didn't eat sugar, didn't drink caffeine, and lived to a healthy 96 years old. And in recent years, he hawked juicers and all sorts of cool things that lead to a healthy life on infomercials. The man was tireless.
All right, all right, I'm sure my younger readers have NO IDEA about whom I'm speaking. But you old gals (and guys...) do know exactly who Jack LaLanne was.
And he was all about good health, exercise and eating right back when America was smack in the middle of its brand-new love affair with labor-saving devices and Jello and TV dinners and heaven only knows what else.
So...this blog salutes a man who stood for--and actually did--everything that I am trying to do. You were a great guy, Jack, and we'll miss ya...
And as I have said, until I can say "I have found a place to move into", I'm reminding you that if you live in "my town" and you know of a place with reasonable rent, a nice place to live, and which will take me and 2 cats, let me know. I'm asking everyone to keep ears to the ground. Especially if it's a place that maybe belongs to someone as a garage apt or a (really nice) basement apt or "guest house" apt. Pretty soon, we'll be doin' that little victory dance...
Oh...and my weight is down at 225...okay, okay, some of it HAS to be not eating at all, but still...but still...
It was "no bueno" once again. So easy to tell you all about what I ate and the exercise I got in.
The exercise consisted of shooing the cats off me when I did not need them lying on the pressure points on my legs. (Experiment: get a fairly heavy male cat to walk on the outside of your thigh when you are lying down...it hurts...oh it hurts...) and going to the bathroom because I was drinking water as if I were being paid by the glassful.
Food? Well, I had not eaten on Thursday (because I felt so lousy) or on Friday (ditto) or on Saturday morning (third verse, same as the first...) but Saturday evening, I called in an order to Pei Wei Asian Diner and the next thing I knew, I was headed there to pick up edamame and Asian Chopped Chicken Salad (my favorite...yes, my favorite). I ate the edamame and about 1/3 of the salad and thought, "That's it! I'm not hungry now." Saved the rest for Sunday.
I'll post this afternoon for today, Monday, January 31, 2011. Let's just say that I'm okay, I'm at work (which I left early on Friday because I felt sooooooooooo bad), and I'm much, much better. Moral of the story: don't eat when you're sick. Don't let someone tell you how much you need protein, energy, whatever. Your body doesn't need to be wasting energy on digestion. If you live in a western nation, you probably are not at risk for not having enough protein. Let your body rest. Let it heal.
And...until I can announce "Woo hoo, found a new apartment," I am going to be reminding you on every post that I am looking for a new place to live and if you live in "my city" and you know of something reasonable that will take 2 cats and isn't in the worst part of town...let me know. Many thanks to Brandi K for her suggestion--which I will pursue. I mean, come on folks! Let's solve this one together!
Love you all a bunch,
Friday, January 28, 2011
First, the conjunctivitis (which was actually "more" than that, but I didn't go into detail) and then the wrangling with the apt complex--and now...I am fighting congestion, coughing and sneezing and general feeling "no bueno."
I think it's stress, and that's okay...my body is handling it. As in "handling it."
But here's a little shorty and some good news...I have been tempted into weighing myself. Again. This morning. I know, generally not a good idea. But today, it was a great idea.
And the good news is that my weight is down to 227. If you've just joined us, you may be thinking "just 227?!?!"
Yes, just 227. You cannot be aware of it, but I started at 250 (bleegh...) and have been up to 265 in the past, or what I like to refer to as my whale incarnation. I did not enjoy that. Not at all.
What does this mean? It means that as of 11 1/2 weeks of eating correctly and occasional exercise, I am right on target: a weight loss of 23 lbs = 2 lbs/wk for 11.5 wks.
Oh yeah, I'm happy.
Meanwhile, no exercise last night because of this nonsense with congestion, etc. And yes, it made me run to the Women's because all the coughing and drainage made me feel...yicky. But I'm all right. And as The Ringmaster says, this too is "no bueno."
So, I'm signing off...I will post as I can this weekend...may have to call a friend again or whatever, but I'm gettin' well.
However, in the midst of all of this, I'm LOSING WEIGHT! That is still putting the ol' smile on my face.
Thanks, all, for joining me on this journey!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Ah...is there anything like making major decisions? The last several days, I have been deciding whether or not I wanted to renew my lease at my apt. where I have lived for 15 years, and...due to a variety of factors (definitely too boring to share--I don't want you falling asleep and drooling while reading my blog...), I am not going to be renewing my lease. Boy, has it been stressful! And I haven't eaten too much while this decision was being made...so...I should see a weight-loss, right? Always something good out of something difficult and stressful--but the decision is made, and don't you find that once you have decided, you just feel better? I sure do.
So...if you live in my town, and you know a good place to live without a deposit requiring one to indenture the life of one's first-born (no luck for me, cause me has no first-born...), and the possibility of the cats continuing on with me, let me know on here. Or if you have my personal email, send me an email.
Ol' me got on the scales this morning and the weight was a hair below 230. How delightful that was! So...I am indeed losing weight--and I look better.
Just last week--and I can't believe I didn't post this--I went to Dan who cuts my hair and when I took off my coat, he said, "Honey, you've lost weight!" Woo hoo thank you, Dan! And if I didn't post it, pretend that I did!
I love seeing my clothes fit a bit looser. I love seeing the scale go down--I REALLY love feeling my knees be less stiff. THAT is a great thing.
Exercise tonight? I think I will when I go home from the library. Yes, yes, I'll post about it tomorrow!
Love you all--this blog is the BEST thing. I can't lie to you all about my weight or my eating habits. And I have to tell you. Every single day. That's a good thing.
By the way, I understand that some of my readers are bloggers, too. Or bloggers-that-were who are going to be blogging again. Woo and hoo!
Thanks for riding along with me on this trip!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Yes, it's another WEIGH-IN WEDNESDAY.
Drumroll, please....and I weigh 230 lbs.
All right, perhaps I should have lost 4 pounds and not just 2 1/2 in the last 2 weeks, but people, it's weight-loss and I'm not killin' myself over it.
The point is this: the weight is going down. That's the whole point. Whole. Point.
By the way, yesterday's post is below. Yes, I posted two in one day.
Thanks to the wonky eye with the conjunctivitis, I have not exercised since Saturday. Although this is NOT good, it's also not terrible. I mean, it's not like I went out and drowned my sorrows on a date with Ben & Jerry...or face-planted in the Big Bag O' Almond M&Ms. Or went to Coney Islander and ate 4 chili-dogs complete with cheese....
Meanwhile, I am investigating brown rice pasta and soy cheese and will report back on homemade mac 'n' cheese. Even this Salad Queen needs a little comfort food once in a while.
I am losing weight. I am getting healthy. The weight loss will accelerate with increase in exercise. I am not going to be 200+ for the rest of my life.
My weight is going to be under control.
Thanks for joinin' me on the Big Bus Ride O' Success!
I had some popcorn, and I found that in reasonable amounts (not the 10-gallon size at the movie theater) and without the "bad" additives (movie popcorn oil...is a killer...not to mention a half-stick of butter. I mean, I'm all for butter in its place because it's natural as opposed to the two chemical steps away from plastic that margarine is...but it's so easy to drench your popcorn in fat...) it is a GREAT snack. Yes, it's carbs, but we need carbs. And it has fiber out the wazooti...I love popcorn. Love it.
Here is how I make it:" I take my own heavy steel pan with a glass lid (Calphalon that I got at the WONDERFUL Tuesday Morning--if you don't know what Tuesday Morning is, you need to move, because it has great stuff at low prices...), ad a bit of good oil in the bottom, and sprinkle in 2 tsp of popcorn. That is TWO LEVEL TEASPOONS of popcorn.
Turn the heat up to high, and when I hear it sizzlin', I start moving it around. Then I listen to the pops and when the pops slow down to 2 or more seconds between, it's done.
Yes, there is a little oil--but not much. AND...I sprinkle it very lightly with grated parmesan. As in VERY LIGHTLY. You can add other spices to it, too. It's great.
And I eat. What a great treat or a fun dinner when I am just too tired to do much else. Of course, what matters is making sure that I have the right foods prepared. You can also put some diluted Tamari in a mister and spray your popcorn.
I hate air-popped popcorn and don't mind a little oil for better flavor. It's how I roll...
Monday, January 24, 2011
It's so "no fun." I ate some yogurt today--and don't feel like eating much.
Thank goodness for Murine (not Visine because I don't care about the red--and I don't need the vasoconstrictors) so my eye doesn't burn and itch as much.
You know, this left eye has really been battling it, and I wonder if some of this is the weather and some of it is...detoxifying, which mimics all sorts of illness and inflammation.
Well, that's my story, and I'm stickin' wit' it.
And I'm of the opinion that if you don't feel like eating--don't. Just drink lots of water and be done with it.
So harrumph, harrumph--I am not exactly Susie Smiley--just want this silly eye to get back to normal which it will.
Meanwhile, Wednesday is Weigh-In-Wednesday so mark your calendars...and show up for the fun.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
And the crowd cheers!
I had eggplant again today, and way too much yogurt yesterday. But I so seldom ever eat anything in too great a quantity or eat something I really shouldn't (OK, like the pumpkin pie at Poodle's which he sent home with me.)
And of course, my body is holding fluid. Like a sponge. At least I'm not having leg cramps in the night.
Here's a total digression--most of us had had a charlie-horse in the calf at some point. But have you ever had a cramp in the long muscle that runs down the inside of your thigh? "Don't" is my advice. It hurts so bad that I cry and pray and try not to swear all at one time. I mean, it hurts in a way that a cramp in your foot or in your calf does not hurt. And it is achy for a few days after that.
It's cold here and damp, and I'm going over to Poodle's tonight to hang and watch a movie. Meanwhile, I am trying not to get all discombobulated because I would go and get on the scales and then get irritated. Honestly, I could thump me in the head sometimes, except I don't believe in hitting.
Meanwhile, at Rancho Weltha, there is laundry to do and the sort of preparation that is required when the sprayers come for the every-six-weeks visit.
But I haven't eaten chocolate or Coca Cola or made instant chocolate mousse or gone to Sonic. And that's something.
So...it's increase the exercise, eat really well, and watch this weight peel off. Because it's going to.
Get on board the train with me, 'cause it's pickin' up speed now!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
And what's the big deal about 90 Days you ask?
It takes about 90 days for cravings to stop, I have found.
Only mine seemed to stop much sooner. I was worried about jonzin' for Coca-Cola and am ecstatic to report it never happened.
Chocolate has not been calling my name. Really, it hasn't--and that's so unusual.
Maybe this time, I realized that I had to actually get with it. Not to mention that after PROMISING you all I would post the truth, I really didn't want to say, "Face-planted in a bag of M&Ms today...right after a double-date with Ben & Jerry..."
That's why I did this public blog thing--because I wanted a great reason not to mess up. You all are one of the great reasons.
Oh, today I had something for brunch that my wacky sense of humor has named "Eggplant Hot Dish." It's sort of an homage to Garrison Keillor and the Norwegian Hot Dishes of his youth up Lake Wobegon...near Minneh-SOH-ta...yah!
Back to Eggplant Hot Dish. I love eggplant. I love it in Eggplant Parmigiana. I love it grilled. I am deeply in love with Baba Ghanoush, the Middle Eastern eggplant dip. And I love this thing I make.
I start with olive oil in the heavy steel pan. I press garlic into it until I'm happy and let it cook a bit. You can fry it if you want for a chewy texture and different flavor--you can cook it gently for a classic garlic flavor. Then, I cube up an eggplant, and dump it in. I add some water so there is plenty in the bottom. Put the top on to let it steam and turn the heat toward low.
After it cooks down a bit, I add Ume plum vinegar (for whang), toasted sesame oil for the flavor, Louisiana hot sauce for flavor, red pepper for heat, and some smoked paprika for that meaty, smoky flavor. And I just let it cook on low.
THEN, I start some rice or some quinoa (if you don't know...it's a tiny little grain that is high protein but a pain because you have to soak it and rinse it to get rid of the soapy outer coating which is bitter...and it's tiny so have a strainer with tiny mesh), usually about 1/3 cup grain to 2/3 cup water. Dump it in a pot, bring to a boil, turn the heat down loooooooooow, cover and let 'er steam for about 20 minutes.
When the rice or quinoa are about done, I chop up some fresh cilantro--two batches. THEN, I put 1 batch in the serving dish and pour the hot rice or quinoa on it and stir. THEN, I uncover the eggplant, which is nice and cooked down, turn up the heat, and let the liquid boil away until it's not too juicy.
Then, I pour the eggplant on the rice, cover with the rest of the cilantro and dust heavily with toasted sesame seeds.
And I eat it.
It's wonderful. It's hot, it has a healthy grain, and it's just...yummy.
You could probably do something similar with squash. Or whatever vegetable strikes your fancy. And you can add whatever kinds of spices you like, in addition to garlic which I consider one of the essential food groups. Besides, it's good for what ails ya...
Oh, and if you were wondering?
I RAN 6 MINUTES LAST NIGHT ON THE REBOUNDER, DID THE SAME THING THIS MORNING AND AM GOING TO DO THE SAME TONIGHT.
Oh yeah, I'm doin' it.
Friday, January 21, 2011
I have made a decision: I AM GOING TO EXERCISE EVERY DOGGONE DAY WHETHER OR NOT I "FEEL" LIKE IT (unless I'm sick, which is a different issue...)
Read yesterday to get my Declaration of Independence From Not Exercising And Then Whining About It.
Now...I just listened to a thing on the Internet that said something so important about weight loss and health--you can't be eating processed food, diet drinks and diet "whatever", chemical-filled foods, cutting out carbs and fats completely--and then expect to be healthy and at the right weight.
I mean, there are models all over who look like a bag of bones, who eat a head of lettuce (iceberg...no nutrients or flavor at all...) and oh, are they thin, all right--and so unhealthy that they had better make loads of $$$ right now because they will need it to take care of their health when they are older.
If there is one thing I believe in--it's this: (well, apart from the Extreme Importance of Jesus in my life, and no, this is not turning into "that" kind of blog so get over that I said it if you don't feel that way. OK? OK.)
To be healthy and at the right weight, you have got to eat real, natural food--including loads of fruits and vegetables--and you have got to give up eating chemical trash, such as foods with additives that sound like college chemistry lab and so-called "diet" foods like diet drinks.
I mean, run like CRAZY away from diet soda pop and diet this and that. Read labels. Eat real food. Learn to cook. Honestly, eating a healthy salad with dressing that isn't a bunch of chemicals and sugar is not all that much work if you plan ahead. And if you're not single, enlist the family in the preparation. Someone can steam the vegetables that need steaming ("CARROTS") and someone else can wash the lettuce and spin it in a salad spinner (OXO makes a great one that lasts forever and you can get it at TARGET), and someone else can cut up the "hard" vegetables (which is my name for any non-lettuce item, "hard" or "soft") and you can make the dressing. In fact, you can make a LOT of dressing, store it in the refrigerator and there it is; you can wash and spin a LOT of lettuce, wrap it in an unbleached muslin dishtowel, and put it in a plastic bag in the refrigerator and there you have it. Honestly, this stuff is NOT hard. And I do it with no help (because the cats are a lazy bunch...)
I know I sound really "finger-pointing" but the truth is, I have to make a decision to eat real food--or not. I have to make a decision to exercise--or not.
So...here is to healthy food...and I don't mean any of this to be condemning. It's just that the more bagged and sprayed and processed foods we eat, the less healthy we become. And no one who is un-healthy can sustain a healthy weight loss. Maybe an unhealthy one, but not the one we need.
I'm talkin' to Weltha, here. I'm preachin' this one to the Choir of One Weltha.
And the more healthy foods we eat--REAL foods--the healthier we become and the more likely to sustain healthy weight loss.
I can do it--you can do it.
I just have to throw in that I LOVE the Watermelon Pink that I frequently use on this blog. There, I said it...
Yesterday, I had my apple for breakfast (and I am all about Fruit Until Noon when possible and it isn't always...and remember, that includes seeds and nuts--raw ones...), and then lovely salad for lunch. Our coleslaw at work mixes nicely with a little salsa and Louisiana Hot Sauce to make a great dressing on the veggies and the spinach. Then, Poodle had me over for dinner and some TV and laughter--and we had a lovely salad with avocado and a really good pizza that was barbeque with chicken. I mean, a good one not loaded with fat. I'm going to make a version that will have some really great BBQ Sauce (can you say "Annie's"?) and grilled, marinated tofu (which tastes like chicken but is much healthier for me) and also some soy cheese. It tastes great, and I know I'm eating good things for me. I get the tofu at the store, marinate it and grill it myself, and then get Melissa's Soy Shreds at...Wal-Mart!
I have come to a conclusion on the Exercise Issue.
I am going to have to treat it like brushing my teeth or washing my face and just DO IT. Enough of this whining around.
I mean, I eat things that are good for me, and I avoid garbage "food"--and I don't make a big deal out of that. If you watched me at the salad bar at work, you would notice that I choose certain things "because they are good for me" and because I want to EAT things that are good for me. Period. No, I don't particularly like raw broccoli. I just don't. But I'll eat some of it because it's good for me.
EXERCISE HAS GOT TO BE THE SAME WAY--IT'S NOT AN OPTION. IT'S "SOMETHING I DO EVERY DAY."
And that's it!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Reader, it's going down.
Yes, my weight is slowly but surely inching lower. No, I'm not posting yet because...because next Wednesday is Weigh-In Wednesday, January 26, 2011. So mark your calendars (oh, like anyone is going to do this...) and tune in for The Big News.
Today, I promised to write what I want. In addition to World Peace (there, I could have been a Miss America contestant...not in this lifetime, not this feminist...),
- To fit the bangin' wardrobe that lurks in my closet. Recently, I took a close look at a lovely tawny cat's-eye-colored party skirt and a coordinating black sweater that I am going to wear next year to party events. Also under close scrutiny is a cream cotton knit dress that will be a dream in the autumn. I can't wait. Cannot. Wait.
- To enjoy looking in the mirror at more than just my face. I mean, I don't have to look at myself and say, "Whoa! Super-Model!" but I do want to look at me and think, "Oh yeah, got it goin' on..."
- To never again worry about fitting theater and airline seats comfortably. I mean, it's already better, but I want to never have a moment's wonder if it's going to be a tight squeeze or not.
- To be able to order some totally great clothes from The J. Peterman Company online. Have you been there?
to http://www.jpeterman.com/!1YoE7HFcQmnFldt2Tk1QEA!/ ?
For real, for real, some of the best-looking, classic, elegant clothing I have seen in ages...and deep discounts on items you will keep and wear for years right now during their big after-the-holidays anti-recession sale.
- To deserve the lovely French description of soignée, which means "carefully or elegantly done" or "well-groomed" according to our friends at Dictionary.com
- To feel attractive and self-confident, although I am learning that even at the top of my fightin' weight here, I can feel exactly that way. It really is a matter of attitude. I really do feel attractive, and I am finding that I am increasingly self-confident.
And now you know...this is what I want.
This is what I am working for, blogging for, exercising [clears throat] for.
This is what I am going to have.
And you're going to be there with me.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Reader, I'm going to list the things I don't want.
As in things I POSTIVELY don't want.
I don't want:
- To look like the woman at work (surely no older than somewhere in her 30s and possibly in her 20s) who is so overweight that she makes me in my current incarnation look thin. Yes, thin. I feel for her, and although she dresses in some really great colors and shows some flair and style, she has trouble walking. And she breathes hard because she is so overweight.
- To forever have to buy "plus" sizes. I really don't like this because lots of the really great clothes don't come in plus sizes. And some looks just don't work on the zaftig body I am currently sporting. And they cost more. And they say "plus sizes." I don't like that.
- To keep looking away from any mirror or window that shows my body. I mean, okay, I'm not Cindy Crawford (now or ever), but I am not comfortable in this body. It's not the me that I know. At all. The Weltha that I know is slender with all of these straight lines, and I am more than happy to sacrifice (sorry, Scott and all men readers) the enormous rack I currently have for the smaller one I have when I'm thin. In other words, I can give up big gazongas for a smaller butt. Trust me on this one...
- To worry about my health and whether or not I'm going to have to get a knee replacement or whatever. And staying heavy is the way to ensure that I will have to have something worked on. Or develop something weight-related such as diabetes.
- To have to get myself all psyched up to act as if I have normal self-confidence because I know how people look at overweight women. I should know...I've done it myself. I really hate the idea of eating in front of people sometimes because I don't like the mental game of "I wonder if they are watching me eat and thinking, 'No wonder you look like that.'" This doesn't happen often, but because I've done it to others, I wonder when it's being done to me.
- To have people think I'm big-boned. This sounds so petty, but in the last 2 months, two men whom I like and respect have referred to me as big-boned. And I'm not upset with them because I don't blame them at all. I am carrying so much extra weight that I look "big-boned." Years ago, my brother Bill said I was "big-boned like the _____ family [my father's family]"--and they weren't big-boned and neither was I...I was just overweight. I have small wrists, fairly small ankles (when they aren't looking like "cankles"--you know, that lovely term for not being able to tell where the calves leave off and the ankles begin...), small, very thin hands for my height of 5'10", and small, thin feet. I mean, my feet are wide like my Dad's family, but they are a size 7, as I remind everyone...and they are bony like my hands no matter how much I weigh. Yes, it bothers me because I feel like a .... freak. I don't feel like myself when I weigh this much. I don't look like myself to me. I've carried this stupid weight for so long that people see me this way--but this isn't who I am. I like my personality and abilities and intelligence and humor and blue eyes and high cheekbones but I don't like the fat. There, I said it.
So yes, this blog is about being healthy, but it's also about the being healthy that leads to my body being the way it is supposed to be. I didn't gain this weight eating too much meat at dinner or too many vegetables or an extra roll or 2 or even 5. It's the result of huge amounts of Coca-Cola, fast food including tater tots and french fries and pizza and fried foods, Oreos out the ying-yang, and enough chocolate to carve at least one of the figures on Mt. Rushmore. There, I said it. I can eat food that is not good for me like it is running in the opposite direction. I mean, I've demolished the big bag of Almond M&Ms over a period of 2 days. Yes, two days. I've eaten junk to comfort myself, to relieve my boredom, to assuage my sorrows, and to make up to me that I'm single and not dating anyone. And of course, being overweight has been my excuse not to try to meet men (oh, I meet men, all right...but none of them are...shall we say...available. I mean, I know one single straight guy who is really a good person but we just don't have "those" feelings for each other. He's my friend, and he's a jewel--but we're not each other's Sweet Babboo...)
I just felt like saying this and getting it out. This is how it is.
On the other hand, I am extremely energized about being healthy (and my health is increasing...periodically, I go through a mild detoxification...it's no fun, but I'm happy it's happening...) and being back to what is a normal weight for me. Again, I'm not trying to "get to some weight"--I know that if I eat correctly and I exercise (clears throat in embarrassment at this one...), my body will eventually get "there"--whereever "there" is. I do know this much...it isn't somewhere above or even near 200 lbs. That much, I do know.
Yes, I am looking forward to being my normal weight again. I'm going to get there.
Tomorrow, in addition to posting that I did INDEED EXERCISE (I'm throwing down the gauntlet to myself) and that I did INDEED MAKE THAT EGGPLANT SALAD, I am going to post what I do want, and what I'm looking forward to.
And the fact that I'm going to do this. I'm going to be the Weltha I was created to be.
Minus the big boobs... ;-)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Reader, I ate breakfast. Yes, I did. I made myself eat an apple to get the ol' system going. Then lunch today was a...salad...but tonight, I am making eggplant salad by golly...I am so excited. If it turns out to be really good, I will post the recipe. I love vegetables...I love eggplant.
Actually, I love fresh and raw the best, but that's not always possible. My attitude is: eat as much raw salad as possible, with the best possible dressings (the ones that taste good and have natural, fresh--even raw--ingredients.)
Because here's a home truth, as my British friends say, about food: if you don't like it, you won't eat it over the long run. Now, there is an exception to this: if MOST of what you eat are things you like, you can force yourself frequently to eat something that you know you need as if it were medicine.
And anyone who isn't fully aware that food is often the best medicine (I don't mean the self-medicating pint of Ben and Jerry's although in my now-reformed past, I must admit to having indulged a time or several hundred...), well, you heard it here and now you know...
A different tack today, because I have discovered something I totally love. It's the famous (to some people) Bach Original Flower Essences. I must thank Nancois for my even knowing squat about these because back when we worked in the same branch of Corporate America, she mentioned these to me--in fact, she said she used them on animals to help calm them down. Which you definitely can and they are helpful to the animal's system--not just some sedative.
They are actually the essences of various flowers that act to regulate the chemistry affecting certain emotions. I take them. They work. Yes, they do.
I try not to hide the fact that I have bipolar disorder. Actually, I have bipolarity, and it has a few disordering aspects (as I am fond of saying, and I know I have posted about this before.) My emotions can be a seething cauldron of misery if I don't watch it. I have taken prescription meds out the wazoo for the past few years, and when they stop working, they really stop--except they sort of slow down, and I go into denial that they are not working. I could go on for hours about this but won't. This disorder--and the mess created by the meds--has done things to my life that I have trouble discussing rationally. Or without sobbing like I'm 5 and the other little kindergartner has taken my blocks and bopped me on the head with them...
To handle this, I did the one thing that I knew might help me--I changed how I eat as of 70 days ago (oh yeah, and for major thinosity, too.) That makes a major difference--but I am still bipolar. I still have these...hard times. And as I confessed a few weeks back, I had a major meltdown between Christmas this year and New Year's. It threw me for the proverbial loop. As in, a really terrible loop.
And then I realized that I had not been faithfully taking my Bach Flower Essences. So...I got with it, purchased another one--the wonderful blend known as Bach's Rescue Remedy, and I have just recently bought "Mustard." It is for "suddenly descending gloom for no reason." I also take "Holly" for "feelings of suspicious, anger, fury and revenge." I personally have renamed Holly the one "so I don't scratch out the eyes of irritating people." Rescue Remedy is for handling stress--which bipolar people don't tend to handle well at all. I am doing...well. I am pleased. And I work on eating correctly, getting enough sleep, and staying away from situations (when I can) that produce lots of stress. I am careful and mindful of my life. It's the only one I have. I want it to be as much of a masterpiece as it can be. I owe lots of people--my dear late parents, my friends, my former and future students, and yes, God--that much. Not to mention I owe it to myself.
I want a happy life, not a miserable one. I am starting to experience a sort of contentment and happiness I have rarely known--and experiencing it over the long haul...this is a good thing. Oh let's be honest, it's tantamount to a doggone miracle when you're me...
I mention these because a former student (whom I do not think reads this but if you do, Sonja--thanks for creating the situation that caused me to post about this stuff) who posted on Facebook that her six-year-old sometimes recently was having crying fits that would go on for 30 minutes and that nothing seemed to calm him down. She was pulling her hair out (figuratively. Her pics seem to indicate a full head of hair...) and knew that at least some advice would be, "Spank him!"
And I don't much like that. As a person who has watched her emotions spin out of control over the years, I find that harshness and anger and violence are not the way to go. They never helped me. And sometimes, a small child can have such enormous emotions and cannot--almost literally cannot--control them without some compassionate help. I'm all for discipline, but I'm not for this approach. Yes, some children learn to be hysterical to get attention, but some children are terribly sensitive. Will spanking stop it? Very possibly--but at what cost? I don't want to get into the spanking vs no spanking debate. I don't think it works for every situation and for every child in every situation. There...how's that?
So...ol' me here recommended Rescue Remedy (and another friend of hers said "it works!" which made me feel good) and I hope that whatever she does doesn't start with spanking a child at the end of his rope...
What does this have to do with anything on this blog?
First, I did want to recommend the Bach Flower Remedies (and no, they are not paying me. Doggone it.) and second, to say that we have to be very careful with our bodies--that we cannot pour a bunch of crap into them (food, medicine, drink or otherwise, including thoughts and people who are not good for us) without serious consequences. No, this is not "salvation through nutrition," but I am convinced much of our misery comes from just letting anything in.
There are people whom I would never let past my front door--partly because I don't know some of them...and some who are not welcome (not anyone reading this blog so don't start wondering and getting all suspicious or I'll have to mail you some Holly Flower Essence...) Yet, I look back at the food I have eaten that had all sorts of preservatives ("approved by the FDA") and additives and artificial ingredients and colors and flavorings, food and drink with all of the goodness cooked out of it, and I am amazed I have not had worse problems. Oh, and as a kid, I had major atopic eczema which also made my life miserable...
As I learned a few days after Christmas, I have no business eating a bunch of sweet stuff without knowing what's in it. I am, however, determined to make something that is an "ice cream" (maybe my own "tofutti") that is sweetened with healthy sweeteners and which has healthy ingredients. When I create a great recipe that you can eat without gagging, I'll post it. Of course, I'm waiting until the summer when the idea of ice cream is so exciting, because it's not remotely exciting to me right now...
All right, all right, don't nag me, if you are just bound and determined you want to investigate these Bach Flower Essences for yourself, here is the link:
They have made a difference for me (and that doesn't mean they are The Answer for everyone, but they do help me manage stress and hey! I eat the worst under times of stress. I mean, the very worst. I have friends who behave in ways they really don't like under stress and oh, how I count myself in that group...)
But anyhoodle, a big shout out to several of you who have faithfully followed this blog. I love looking at the stats and seeing that Karin in Paris is reading it.
All right...until I get an answer, I'm posting this daily: mojoandkiki--who are you? Feel free to email me personally or whatever, but I'm desperately trying to figure out who you are, and I can tell we know each other...
Thank you all--this bus ride is getting smoother and smoother...
And no, no exercise yesterday (because I went to see Megamind with some of the guys from Choir...way too much fun! I enjoyed it a big bunch...)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I am terribly adept at ignoring ways to just do it. I mean, breakfast yesterday with a friend, an afternoon of errands, etc., and finally, dinner and a movie with another friend.
I didn't eat terrible things, although I didn't drink enough water. I did manage enough sleep--and everything I read says that not enough sleep impairs our ability to manage our weight.
And today is going to be philosophical--I've been thinking of the ways in which discontent can become nothing more than a bad habit. I mean, all of us want more something--more job security, more money, more "out of debt", more things we genuinely need. And unfortunately, American society tends toward immediate gratification. Not enough money to buy a new sofa? Put it on a credit card or use the store's charge plan. Never mind that you pay through the nose--you have what you want right now.
And the sense of entitlement--I see it in students at times, in adults, and even in myself. I'm tired of that. I have a feeling this is part of what has managed to make my weight go up. I'm entitled to eat (fill in the blank) because I'm single, I'm lonely, I don't have anything to do today, I'm bored, I don't have lots of money, I don't have a new sofa [are we detecting a theme here?], I can't buy a new car yet...
I've really had enough of it all. I mean, enough of this "I deserve what I want when I want it."
So...I'm listing some of today's things for which I am grateful right here on the blog:
- The money I do have. It pays the bills and some is left over.
- My job. I have one.
- My blue eyes--I mean, I didn't do anything to have them, but I do like them. I like what I look like. Even the large, economy size, I like it.
So that's it...we only have today, and we really can choose to make it a good day and enjoy life, or we can be little brats and whine.
I think I'll pass on the whiny-osity...
And eat something good for me tonight. And run on the rebounder. Catch you tomorrow...
Saturday, January 15, 2011
I was just too tired.
I know, I know...if I would exercise, I would not be so tired. However, getting enough sleep matters too, which is why I am charting my sleep. And the truth is, I haven't been getting enough sleep due to the simple fact that I like to stay up late, but have to get up for work the next day. Dang it. Sounds like one more "opportunity" to say no to the not-so-great choices and yes to the great ones...including going to bed early. Where, oh where, is Mom when I need her to tell me it's bedtime, and no arguments, Missy...?
I've been a bit out of sorts from yesterday, but am much better today. I had a day at work where in 15 minutes, I was confronted with 2 mistakes and a "I wasn't quite sure on something and did a minor incorrect thing." And I suffer at moments from perfectionism, and I have a hard time some days facing that I am not perfect. Not now, not gonna be, not ever.
And then the whole, "why am I overweight?" thing starts kicking in.
But I did say to myself, "Weltha, you are not perfect. You make mistakes, and some days, you make more of them. And some days, you make fewer of them. And you are doing something about being overweight. So get over it." Which I did.
This is one great Saturday--I went to breakfast at Scott the Bagelman's Old School Bagel Cafe with my friend Keith the English Prof and had a great time. Poodle and I have been trying to reach each other and will connect later today. Went shopping for shirts (found two I adore...) and then on to the GREAT Central Library where I saw the grown-up son of old friends, Young Kenneth, and had a lovely chat with him and his girlfriend. Altogether satisfying. Oh, and last night, a very nice call from Kat the Fellow Alto. Very nice day...very nice...
I'm not hungry, and I like that...instead, I'm checking out DVDs, CDs, and books...soon, I'll clue you in on the latest grand passion in Weltha World.
Meanwhile, I'm keepin' on with this...the blog, the journey, the whole thing. OH, and a special shout-out to Jana for her very kind comment the other day on my blog. Thank you, you bright and interesting woman.
I love this life. I'm going to make the very most of it I can. I absolutely love this life. Love. It.
And I love my blog-followers. Thank you for joining in on this Flight To Freedom.
Friday, January 14, 2011
All right, there are three, but they feel like...3 million. Am I the only person who ever struggles with this?
However! Back to the topic at hand. NO, I did not exercise last night but I had a sort-of excuse. My pay check (I get paid once a week) came last night, and I was so overjoyed, and it was already 7:30 or so, that I:
- Cashed it
- Bought cat food and litter
- Went to dinner at Pei Wei (yes, and I got steamed edamame and Asian Chopped Chicken Salad, which I adoooooooooooooore)
- Went to the Wal-Mart Super Center where I bought more cute separates including a muted purple hoodie. Well, why not? Yes, I paid some bills, too.
- Went home - and by this time, it was around 9:30, and I needed to...feed the cats, change their water, and scoop their box. And...
- Cut the labels off everything and put them away.
No, I didn't think it was a great excuse either, but by the time I was done, it was after 10 pm and well, I was tired, doggone it! And I still needed to take a shower because I felt tired and...tired.
So...we're gettin' on it this weekend. I mean, gettin' on it. Tonight, 8 minutes on the rebounder (because last night would have been 7 minutes...) and tomorrow, 9 minutes, and 10 minutes on Sunday and OH WHERE WILL THE MADNESS END?
Major shout-out to Jana for her comment on FB that she was following my blog and for congratulating me on this journey. Thank you! A girl needs all the help she can get!
I did, however, remember what I wanted to blog about. I have started a journal for the blog--I journal how much water I have drunk, taking vitamins and supplements, how much sleep I got (we're not doin' too hot on this one. I am simply not going to bed early enough), what I ate, whether or not I exercised and what I did, my mood (right now, it's my yickity face), things for which I am grateful, something good or kind I did for someone else, something nice I did for myself, and finally, a recap of the day. Yes, it wears me out, too.
BUT IT CAUSES ME TO BE MINDFUL OF WHAT I AM DOING INSTEAD OF JUST DRIFTING THROUGH THE DAYS..."SORTA" TRYING TO GET MORE REST, EAT BETTER, DRINK MORE WATER, ETC.
I find that American life (and you folks elsewhere feel free to chime in and tell me if it's different where you are) is conducive to being on auto-pilot. We get ourselves WAY too busy, and then we either fret over the past or we wish we were in the future ("I wish the weekend were here!"). Our minds are too busy and over-stimulated. We don't ever rest in the moment. We are elsewhere all the time.
That's part of the reason I am an Anglican (that and my addiction to incense...). You can't go into auto-pilot in the service and expect to get anything out of it. You have to be there. There is too much to do to just drift. It works well with my over-busy mind.
So...here is to a weekend of mindfulness. A weekend where I live in and enjoy and cherish and value the moment I'm in instead of regretting and trying to "redo" the past, or wishing my life away for a mythical future.
I plan to enjoy every bite of food instead of regretting things I shouldn't have eaten (too late, baby) or worrying about what I might eat that I shouldn't.
How about you....?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
All right...it was "only" 6 minutes on the rebounder,at a pace that wouldn't make a real athlete breathe harder. At all. But then, I'm not a real athlete. Just a middle-aged woman who is overweight and out of shape--but not for long...
I now have a dedicated work-out outfit, and I have a plan. I'm increasing the time 1 minute per day until I reach 30 minutes. Then, I am working on running faster and harder on my charming little rebounder. When I've pushed that pretty far, I'm increasing the time again 1 minute per day until I hit 45 minutes. I'm going to post every single day about this. Oh, next Weigh-In Wednesday is January 26, 2011. Mark your calendars...
Got a feelin' that I'm going to love this. Right now is the hard part--the getting started, but I had a major sense of accomplishment last night.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step.
I have taken that step. We're goin' on it now!
And ate yogurt with blueberries, walnuts, agave (a sweetener with a low glycemic index--so it doesn't make your blood sugar spike and trigger a flood of insulin from your pancreas...this is all not good for you and I don't want to take time to go into it. You can get agave at the grocery store these days. It's all the rage), and cashew butter. Oh, the yogurt is the wonderful Fage Greek yogurt--which is thicker AND it is higher in protein. It's good stuff--and if you read the label, Fage doesn't have a bunch of (or any) junk in it.
And had a pear. A Bosc...and my other Boscs need to ripen more. They were--in the words of my late and dear mother--as hard as brick bats. I guess that's pretty hard...
I DID IT. WOO HOO FOR WELTHA!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
What I don't love is the weighing-in itself and the anxiety of wondering if my weight will simply be the same, perhaps (please, God, please...if you're there...please) have gone down, or (horrors, look away from it...) have gone up for some mysterious and evil reason.
And here is the moment you are waiting for...233 pounds.
And no, I'm not thrilled. I'm not dropping weight as fast as I did back in 1988. Whoa! There's a news flash--at the age of 57 all right I said it and it's true, I'm not dropping weight as fast as I did at age 34. I mean, is anyone else not surprised by this? Come on, I'm...23 years older.
Yes, yes, post-menopause (sorry, Scott and all male readers...) blah-de-blah-blah-blah...but here is the real truth (as opposed to what? the "fake truth"? Are you like me and the phrase "true facts" makes you cringe because are there really false facts? I mean...isn't a fact something that is so, that is true?)
Woops...back to the real truth: I am not exercising. And that's a major part of it. I need to work off calories and build muscle--exercise itself will raise my metabolism and keep it higher, and muscle mass burns calories anyhoodle.
I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and insist that Weltha here exercise for at least 30 minutes 5 x a week. I am hoping it's like the cleaning--once I get started on it, it will become...addictive. And I think I'm going to have to INSIST that I do it when I get home from work. And go home first rather than wending my way (I love that phrase...I love to wend my way...I think a way is more...romantic and leisurely when it is...went? wended? something else? I am too lazy to get myself on dictionary.com) to one of our libraries first. Or at least, I can only go in and turn in books, etc. and grab new things, not get on FB and play Mafia Wars...
And that rebounder. DANG, but I'm going to have to get with it. And my Shake Weight? I could do that in the morning before work AND do it in the evening after work. I mean, it's SIX STINKIN' MINUTES with a DVD. How hard is that?
I might even have to resort to using a star chart...
Oh and yes, I did have dinner last night--I had an eggplant going bad (bad eggplant, bad eggplant...you need to turn your life around...) so I sliced it up and cooked it in olive oil (yes, the extra virgin variety and no, I'm not Rachel Ray who doesn't do it for me so I don't call it "EVOO"--what's the matter, Rachel? seven syllables too much for you? Sorry, I digress...my snark is coming out here...) and added Ume Plum Vinegar for whang and for the alkylinizing properities, sesame oil for oriental-osity, garlic for...garlic, Trappey's Bull Sauce for heat and flavor, ginger for that oriental thing goin' on, smoky Paprikah for...taste and smokiness and then cooked it until it was a purple batch of hot yummy, lathered it in fresh cilantro and gave it a shower of toasted sesame seeds. Yes, it was a lovely hot dish, and only with difficulty did I keep the cats from it. I will eat eggplant any way you can imagine. It is my one true food love.
You know, I thought of some really cool thing to talk about on my blog and now I have forgotten it. All right...memory, come back, come back, wherever you are...
So...I am going to post those doggone pictures later this week, and I am going to lead off EACH post with what I've done (or not done...and I hope I don't have to confess this...) in terms of EXERCISE because it's time to get serious about all of this.
And more salad at home.
Say a novena, burn incense, start a fast, but I need you on board with me for this exercise thing.
NOW, I NEED SOME IDEAS--WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN TERMS OF GETTING YOURSELF EXERCISING? PARTICULARLY IN THIS POLAR BLIZZARD WEATHER?
Thanks women (and men...). Can't do this without you. Can't. Just can't.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
That's my response to last night's little dinner...of Fage Greek Yogurt, sweetened with raw amber Aguave, with walnuts (Omega 3s), blueberries (antioxidents), and...East Wind Cashew Butter. It was so good and so easy...so very easy.
Tomorrow is WEIGH-IN WEDNESDAY. And I'm not sure what will happen because today I had some of my microwave popcorn--a friend sent it at Christmas and it was only "salt added" and I got a...hankerin' to have some.
The bag was too big for one person. And I could taste and feel the oils in it (and not in a good way, either). By the end, I felt...sort of sick. And so...no dinner for me tonight because I just don't feel like eating. At all. So, as lovely a gift as it was, I'm giving the rest away. I think it was too salty and just...not good for me. In the future, I'm going to pop a few teaspoons of popcorn at home, with good oils, and then...maybe a light sprinkle of Parmesano-Reggiano or whatever it is.
You know, I could have had more yogurt, but noooooooo...I wanted popcorn. Heaven only knows if this is gonna hold water weight on me like a big dog.
And of course, I haven't been exercising. I wonder if any other middle-aged women have this problem. Now, if I could find a spinning bike, set it up in the living room and spin on it while I watch a movie...there's a thought...
But it won't be Tony Little's "The Gazelle"--honestly, he wears me out to where I just want to go take a nap...
Lunch today was my typical salad, but I'm getting tired of the coleslaw at work and am going to HAVE to make Julie's recipe. And doctor it up. Life is too short to be getting into such a rut...
All right...tomorrow is the big day--see you tomorrow AND I will--I WILL be posting new pics this week. Just lazy is what it was!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Today, I had more yummy salad for lunch but didn't have breakfast. This is a bad habit and one I need to break. You have to put fuel in the engine to make it run--and by "engine" I mean your metabolism. Skipping meals is a GREAT way to slow down your metabolism. I will do better.
However, all things considered, fasting is great for you. Whether it's just water that you take in, or just fruit or whatever kind of fast, it's good for you. Yes, yes, there are all sorts of spiritual benefits, but this is not that kind of blog and I'm not beating my blog-following to death playing switch and bait...they think it's a blog on eating normally and losing excess weight, and next thing you know, I'm preaching at people...
Not gonna do it...wouldn't be prudent. Besides, I promised.
It's snowing outside. Not much, and it's not sticking on the ground. It's sticking a bit on vehicles, but looks as if it should come off easily.
Depending on what "it's like out there", I may or may not go to the library and then go to the store...and I need to get gas, and oh, I need to go by the health food store...what was UP with me? I should have gotten out yesterday but hindsite...is such a major cliche...
I am by golly going to get exercise tonight OR ELSE. (or else I won't...but I really need to do this...)
I wish it wouldn't snow...that is, I wish it wouldn't make driving crazy. If it only stuck where we don't drive and not on cars, I would be all over it...
And yes, I do know how to drive in snow so there...yes, I do too now stop arguing with me!
I think tonight's entree is going to be this eggplant salad I have been lusting over...will post results.
Thanks for stickin' in here...I hate missing blog days!
I cleaned, Reader. I cleaned.
And I drank water.
And periodically, I sat down and read a book or crocheted on Jenny's baby's afghan or watched a movie.
But mostly, I cleaned.
It's like a metaphor for weight loss...we clean up our eating, we clean up our food habits, we clean out our bodies by not eating junk and by eating GOOD FOOD--and it's contagious. Each little change leads us to the next.
So here we are, 10 days after New Year's. Make a step. Even a small one. Conquer it. See how contagious success is.
Don't try to change everything at once. Change just a few--maybe just one.
And watch what happens. Does anyone have a success story out there?