The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.

Every day...a new post. Every other real weight. Every pictures.

For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Day the 35th

Gentle Readers all,

Sunday's post is right below this one. I wasn't able to post on Sunday. What a day...

In other news, my friend Woodstock (aka Pinky) received a Satisfactory on his prospectus hearing for his doctoral dissertaion. This is a Good Thing because the only other choice was Unsatisfactory. I'm sure the lovely outfit I helped pick out made all the difference...right Weltha, keep on thinkin' that...that's how it works...anyway, there is rejoicing and mad abandon...

Woodstock told me on Saturday that I should post something I had just told him. And it's this--whoever it's for: You'll never find the right man (or right woman) if you're hangin' with the wrong one. There just isn't room in your life. You actually have to get the wrong person out of your life before the right one can come in...I had turned around and butted in to a conversation involving a total stranger.

This cute young girl was on the phone behind me patiently and calmly trying to explain to her boyfriend that she worked hard all week at the hospital (she was in her lemon-yellow scrubs at the time) and she just wanted to do something with him. Anything. Apparently, he had recently begged her to get back together with him--and now...he "just didn't have time" or he "just didn't want to do anything." For no reason. After she got off the phone, I waited a minute and told her that I was a total stranger and it was so none of my business and if she wanted, she could feel free to tell me to take a major hike, but that she didn't deserve that--she deserved a whole lot better--and that the sooner she kicked this one down the proverbial stairs of life and out the door, she would be that much closer to meeting someone who would be enthusiastic about spending time with her. I figure--and I may be wrong--that she is his "last resourt" booty call and he has someone else on the side...or as the main event.

I didn't mention that (yes, I still have all my teeth left...), but I did say that I doubted she was getting what she wanted. And she said she felt lonely, empty, and angry. Who knows what she'll do--but I hope she will cut this one loose...she didn't sound like a girl asking for something impossible of a man with no's just that he had no time for her...

I am in major detoxification--and that is part of the reason I have felt so irritable lately, why my eyes are burning, and why my mood has suddenly was 3 quarts of filtered water today at work...and I may eat very lightly tomorrow. As in very lightly.

The holidays are so full of stress and wackitude--even I am feeling it. I say "even I" because I don't get mixed up in lots of events and parties and activities and buying a bunch of gifts...and I'm feeling some of the...turbulence.

This isn't much about food tonight. Or exercise. Or the lack of exercise. It's just that I relize food is sometimes a metaphor--and sometimes a visual representation--of my emotional life. Maybe of all our emotional lives...And I also am uncomfortably aware that my friend with the swollen up leg, headed to the doctor tomorrow, trumps my "watch Weltha lose weight."

I enjoy this blog...but it's not curin''s not the magic bullet to life's ills and difficulties.

And some night soon, I will take myself for a little ride to see the Christmas lights...and drink a glass of eggnog...and maybe have a piece of pumpkin cheesecake...

And maybe some of the turbulence I feel is coming from not damping down what I'm experiencing with a bag of M&Ms.

Maybe. Maybe so.




  1. Thank you for the smile this evening! I confess that I haven't read your blog in a while, but tonight it was just what the doctor ordered. I love that you gave advice to a stranger. I've given and received wise tidbits with strangers occasionally, as well as shared a hearty laugh or just unloaded a needed burden. It has always given me an immense amount of hope & faith in humanity. Reach out and touch someone! (ok, not literally...)
    Anywhooo, since I'm sitting here typing, I might as well cry on your shoulder. I have had THE week of mothering HELL. Last Monday, son #2 gets a nasty cold (not too big of a deal, but then he throws up everywhere Monday night), Tuesday I get a text from a friend telling me that she found lice on her son. My son, son #1, had just been to a sleepover with this kid. Son #1 gets home from school and guess what I find lurking in the depths of his golden locks? GAH! So, Wednesday I shampoo, nitpick, clean, vacuum, launder for 15 hours STRAIGHT. Thursday son #1 goes back to school but comes home early with a cold (the same cold as son #2). Friday night son #2 gets really sick with a fever. I look at his throat..... I see strep. Saturday is the day that we are hosting a birthday party for son #2 (thankfully NOT at our house). I rush son #1 to the doctor for a strep test, get him over to my parents' house, so grampy can watch him during the party (thank God for my stepdad!). We have the party for son #2... all goes well. Saturday night up all night with son #1 because he's in pain from the illness. Sunday morning we get confirmation that son #1 tested positive for strep. As my husband is returning with the antibiotics, I get another text from same friend saying she found more lice. I check son #1 (who is lying sick on the couch). Guess what? More freakin' lice! I started to cry. I never cry in front of my kids. Not that I don't think it's ok to cry in front of one's children, it's just not something that happens to me very often. Son #1 has strep AND lice at the same time. What are the odds?!?!? I check everyone else's head... we are all clear :-) But... the house must be turned upside down again and cleaned. Husband & I work our tails off to clean. Because this is the second time we go ahead and treat everyone with the lice shampoo. Oh, and did I mention that my friend's kid was at son #2's birthday party, and was literally wrestling with several other kids, so we have to let those parents know that their child was exposed to lice at my son's birthday party!!! By the time the kids are in bed it's 11:30. By the time I get in bed it's 1:30. Son #1 wakes up at 1:45am feeling terrible, and I proceed to care for him and be up with him until 4 AM. Today I wake up at 9am and continue the laundry and cleaning. I haven't stopped all day until now. I am soooooo tired. Why am I telling you all of this?! I have to tell someone, and since I haven't crossed paths with any strangers lately, I felt like telling you. Besides, if I don't I just might fall completely off the deep end, and wind up in a murky lagoon somewhere in rural New Zealand.
    Good night, dear Weltha. Sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs, lice or anything else bite.

  2. You are doing great! I am so proud of you for consistently moving forward. So what if you still need a little med. Think about YOU...a month ago...Today is better. Tomorrow will be better still. Moving forward is moving. Thanks for letting us move forward with you. And thanks for telling the girl in the yellow scrubs the TRUTH. Maybe we all needed to hear it. I have some relationships, other than my husband, that are heavily one sided, yet I still have the nerve to ask for better friendships. Meanwhile, I have no time for the newer, better friends, because the "users" are stealing time and joy. Thanks again, I needed to hear everything you wrote the last two days. Yes, thank you very much!

  3. I TOTALLY LOVE YOU TWO WOMEN!! YOU MADE MY DAY. I'll stop sorry you went through all this. It must be a killer. And mojo--you are the woman. These things are so easy to "know" and so hard to do at times. Here's to all the INDEPENDENT WOMEN (and MEN!) who read this blog--go get 'em! I love you ALL!


Thanks for havin' your say! You're an INDEPENDENT WOMAN (or an INDEPENDENT MAN!), too! Just remember, this is an ADVICE-FREE please send the advice back to its room, and PLEASE comment about what you've done or just join in the ray-rah!