The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.

Every day...a new post. Every other real weight. Every pictures.

For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Day the 132nd - Day 4 of 30 Days of Truth

Sheesh-a-mundo...what a day. Church--which was great and Bishop had a great homily. Choir sang great (well Jeff the Choirmaster said we did), and then fun lunch at Pei Wei with friends.

And later in my day, a very intense conversation--oh let's call it what it was: a major knock-down, drag-out fight--with a friend. In Which Our Heroine Was Confronted With Some Of Her Shortcomings. But that doesn't make it any easier. And both of us were exhausted by it. A happy ending, but I hate it when I get reamed, deserved or not. Either way, it's just no fun. For either party...

So here I am at Central Library, with a red nose, eye-makeup cried off, and generally feeling like crappo. I'm not sure that's a word, but I used it and I like it.

Yes, I had a bagel this morning. Right now, I could give a rip about my weight, but don't worry, that will change. Very soon (like Wednesday morning because this Wednesday is Weigh-In Wednesday...)

Tonight will probably be...yogurt+ because Weltha no feel like all...

And now, we are on to Day 4 of 30 Days of Truth.

And today's prompt is:

Something You Hope You Never Have To Do

I have thought about this...bury a spouse? Well, I'm not married but when I am, the chances are good that unless he is a bit younger than I, I will bury him. Bury a child? I don't have children of my own although I think that burying step-children would be almost equal in pain. Bury a sibling? The Brothers are almost 9 years older than I am...chances are good that they will go before me...

I could go on and on with things I hope I never have to do, and all of them are pretty doggone horrible. But here is one that I can tackle:

I hope I never have to go to prison.

I have a friend who has a very close family member in prison. It has been painful for her and for the family.

And everything I read about prison, well, it scares me. A lot. I think I would feel so lost I wouldn't know what to do with myself. And it would mean that either I had done something perfectly terrible or there had been a mistake. Either one of those possiblities makes me feel sorta sick inside.

I value my privacy; I hear there is none in prison. I value quiet and even silence; I hear that prison is terribly noisy. I value being able to go outside to the park and lose myself in nature; not even remotely a possibility in prison. I value my sense of safety; I would fear for my safety in prison--I sometimes have a REALLY big mouth, and I can imagine getting in trouble.

So...I never want to go to prison. And I can probably write about this because as scary as it is, I know it's not even remotely a possiblity. Thank goodness.

These first four days have been really...NOT FUN to write about. But tomorrow gets's something people compliment me on...that's an easy one and a fun one. There is something that I get compliments on frequently, but you will have to read tomorrow...

And now...a completely non-productive hour playing Mafia Wars, because I need something mindless. Besides, I am totally poised to hit level 700 today. I'm all over that...

Sheesh-a-mundo indeed!



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