The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.

Every day...a new post. Every other real weight. Every pictures.

For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Day the 126th

What a lovely day...I started out working and my computer slooooooooooooowed to a crawl, so I called the IT Help Desk. They always live up to their name and never more than today.

I simply called to ask them to defrag my computer (as in most companies, we can't do it ourselves because of various security issues), and the person who answered did a few other things to speed up my computer and then updated my security system, and ol' me said, "Hey! I'm using an outdated Web browser...could that be updated?" The answer was "yes" and now, I have a new version of my Web browser and am delighted that my computer rans faster and better. No, it will never zip through like these new, really powerful computers can, but until the upgrade this year, it's much better. And my Web browser is making me very happy.

Before I launch into "I ate this and so help me I really NEED to go for a walk somebody slap me if I don't...", I wanted to comment about my Lenten observance. Without going into any detail, a friend told me yesterday that "lots of people have talked about you" and apparently in a way that I would not care for. Truth be told, this wasn't news, but I sure didn't want to hear it again. And of course, it sounded and felt like...dozens of people had been blackening my name. And yes, it hurt. As in...a whole lot. And to make it worse, it involved people at church. Yes, that hurt "somethin' fierce" as my Ozarks' mama used to say...

And of course, the friend thought she was helping. So...I made a decision. I'm not doing too well not swearing (because Fafnir would NOT get in his cage this morning so his neutering is being put off a week...) and I'm still lugging and hefting and doggone it, I keep hitting my legs and it hurts, it does. So, the occasional oath emerges from my petal-like lips...

But I decided that there was one thing I could deal with. I was really hurt to hear I had been "talked about" and that people were "saying things." I really hate hearing that, and I have two friends whom I am going to have to gently ask not to tell me these things but either ignore it (and their consciences) or else ask, "So, when you talked to Weltha about her multitude of shortcomings, exactly how did she respond?" which is a way I think is appropriate to handle hearing--or worse--being told things about a friend. I just don't want to hear that people are gossipping about me. Not at all.

Which leads me to a decision I made this morning: I decided that by golly and with God's help (because I really have no power to do this on my own...), I am going to stop "talking about" other people--if it isn't good and positive and something kind about that person, girlfriend here is going to SHUT HER BIG MOUTH. It hurts terribly being talked about. And because I have experienced this first-hand, I am going to do my best to control my own "talking about" other people. I cannot control the people who talk about me--I can, with God's help, control what I say about others. Enough is enough. (sheesh...)

I keep coming back to this, but it would be so easy to give up chocolate for Lent (I haven't done that. I actually had some organic chocolate, sweetened with a superior sweetner, with chilis in it just last week. Mmmmm, mmmmmm, good)--much easier than not complaining or talking ugly about people.

It hurts terribly to know you have been the object--and perhaps deservedly--of someone's criticism. And I'm not going to do it any more. Period. Enough. Let this Lenten season be a time where God helps me put a cork in my mouth.

And today...I had an apple for breakfast, and realized I do need my almonds here at work for when I need a little boost in the middle of the morning or the middle of the afternoon. Lunch was salad bar, with the superior coleslaw (they had already planned to serve the good coleslaw, so my little Coleslaw Protest didn't do much more than confirm that they were making a choice that at least one person was pleased with!). Work salad bar has been getting better! It was never awful, but now there are sliced up red peppers and tomatoes and mushrooms and often there are sliced hard-boiled eggs (I try to get the ends where it is mostly the white)--and I am going to need to start making my own salad dressing very soon...!

And I'm happy with my work--it's not always the "most interesting" but it pays the bills, I know it is valuable and needed work, and I work with and around really great people. I am happy., as I am watching what I put INTO my mouth, I want to be sure I watch what comes OUT OF it. I grew up around some critical people, and it's time to break the chain of criticism and gossip.

I know, I know...waxing way too philosophical today...I am going to have a treat tonight--I'm going to make a little chocolate halvah--it tastes good, and it's good for me. Here's how, and yes, it's a recipe but don't hold that against me.
  • Start with tahini (which is sesame seed paste--I can get it at almost any grocery store in their ethnic section around the "Jewish" foods)--spoon some into a bowl.
  • Add honey to taste--it thickens the tahini, and I don't like it terribly sweet--I like the sesame flavor to come through.
  • Add some cocoa powder--and voila! a delicious chocolate treat that is good for me. The cocoa powder has antioxidents.

Who knew??? Is this cool or what? Oh, given up chocolate for Lent or just not eating it? I bet there are some other great flavors to add...maybe a little vanilla extract or some almond easy! Yum, yum, yum...good and good for me.

I am happy. Very happy. As I said...who knew???

All right...choose 3 people and say 3 good things about them. Extra points if they are someone who irritates you.

Let me know how it went (without mentioning names of course...'cause that sorta defeats the purpose, like in a big major way...)



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