The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.

Every day...a new post. Every other real weight. Every pictures.

For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Day the 196th

No, Reader, I did not weigh myself.

I find every night that when I go home, I tire out easily and just want to get in bed and watch a movie.

In the mornings, I don't want to get up. Sometimes, I don't want to go through the effort of the shower, etc. (I do. I just really don't want to.) I don't want to cook or even chop up some veg for a salad.

It's mild depression because I'm missing the friendship that ended. I will get over it. I'm on my medication. I just feel sad and missing my friend. This is normal. I don't mean to whine, whine, whine every day about this, and I won't. No, I don't think this friendship is fixable. Maybe waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down the road we can get together every once in a while. Maybe. Maybe not.

Enough of that. What did I eat last night? Well, I had some of the wonderful but not so good for me artichoke dip left and because I was staying late at work, I ate it here with some wheat things. Yes, I enjoyed it. A whole lot. And I think I had some peanuts. Not sure, but I think so. Yes, being a tad low affects my memory, too. Well, that's my story and I'm stickin' with it...

This morning, I ate a big peanut butter cookie. Why, you ask? Because someone had brought them to work and left them on the table where people put The Food. You probably have one at your workplace - a table where anything people bring to share is left. The cookie was good. I won't lie. I also had some peanuts because they are the least awful thing from The Machine.

Lunch, however, was a nice bowl of fresh veg (I love how the British and their kin say 'veg' - pronounced 'vedge') with balsamic vinaigrette that was so thick it looked like melted chocolate. Very good, too. I had cucumbers, lettuce, pickled radish, beets (!) and green beans. Very yummy.

Thank you for stickin' with me on this. I know not many people read this every day especially when I'm not posting it to Facebook. My few little readers mean a great deal to me. Thanks for stickin' with me despite my whiny-osity. I'll get over this temporary sadness. Meanwhile, I let myself feel it, and I try really hard to realize that it will lift. It will. And probably sooner once I just let myself feel it and realize that hey! It's there.

Tonight, I'm going for coffee with my good buddy Keith the English Prof and hoping this weekend to get together with Sofia the Former Student and Jen the Art Teacher. Good friends, all. That always helps.

And do a little cleaning, a little laundry AND...some cooking so I actually have food that I can eat. I know! WHAT a concept.

I am, however, very thankful for my 2 cats - Mimsey and Horatius, the Wonder Cats. They are endlessly a source of joy. And I'm so thankful for my BFF Poodle. What would I do with no Poodle in my life? We always say, "Hey, we don't have to think about that!" And we don't. And I am thinking of the very nice Scott the Bagelman, a good friend, and a friend of other nice friends. What a sweetie! And my friend Deb. And The Ringmaster. And so many other wonderful people. And my lovely apartment. And my therapist, Janis. And the parks nearby. And the museums. I may have to go to Woodward Park this weekend just because it's there and because it always lifts my spirits! In fact, this is a GREAT idea. And who knows? Maybe a dollar movie (it's lower money this week and next and just for the fun of it, I'm trying to see how very little I can spend BECAUSE if I can spend very little, that means I have more for next week!)

It's a beautiful day outside, and I am so thankful to be alive. We don't get everything in this life. There are some things we don't get. We fool ourselves to think we can have everything. But what we can have - and what we do have - is so very much. I remind myself of that.

And I am grateful. Very very grateful. I'm even grateful for friendships (including this one) that no longer exist for various reasons, but which were good at the time. And for all the moments of goodness and happiness in them.'s onwards and upwards and I'm going to have my laptop in JUST a few weeks!!! Now that is something I am really excited about.



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