The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.

Every day...a new post. Every other real weight. Every pictures.

For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Day the 192nd

Ah, Reader, there has been progress...

Before you get excited and think I've lost 20 pounds in 2 days, created multiple streams of high income, or solved that enigma known as "peace in the Mid-East", reel your expectations way back in...

No, I managed to:

  • Take the trash out last night (this is HUGE, people. HUGE.)

  • Scooped both cat boxes (one of my least favorite tasks, right up there with poking myself in the eye with a sharp stick...) and I would like to thank Mimsey for pooping on the floor when a perfectly clean cat box stood within 5 inches of her tiny butt...I found that very helpful.

  • Put some clean dishes away

  • Went to the grocery on the way home from work

  • Then went to Target to get this Tide Stain Removal Booster or whatever it is, and it had better work it's so expensive. Oh, and got 2 DVDs (on sale) of Tom Selleck as Jesse Stone. Ah Tom Selleck, you have improved like a fine wine. Age has been your friend...

  • Where was I? Oh, and I didn't eat anything because I got home and was rawther tired and I have a rule: if I'm too tired to eat, it's probably a good idea that I don't.

And that would be our progress. Granted, it's not much, but we do what we can. OH, and we made plans AND FOLLOWED THEM for our pay this week. Which means, I have been to the grocery store, am going to the doctor's for prescription and samples of My Meds on Monday afternoon, paid Rack B $$$ towards a very fine laptop he has reconditioned and is selling me (woo hoo!!! I am going to have a laptop!), put money aside for next month's rent, and set aside $$$ for next week because I didn't work a full week this week. Thanks to Terminal Scunge...

And yes, there is gas-tank money. And paid the car insurance. And ran errands at lunch ALL WITHIN AN HOUR.

And chatted with my insurance agent, Mitch (who is a former student...) about The Vision. Mitch is a Prince. I am proud of him. Very proud.

So what is The Vision?

God has a plan for me - things for me to do. Things that honor Him. Build His kingdom. And yes, give meaning and purpose to my life. Some call it The Call; I tend to call it The Vision.

St. Paul talked about that: "I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision." And yes, he had a literal one. But we each have a vision - a thing we 'see' ourselves doing, that we believe comes from God's heart.

And as I told Mitch: if you lose the Vision, nothing else you have left matters much. If you don't lose the Vision, you can suffer the loss of pretty much everything else and it doesn't matter.

Been there, done that. I had a friend once who asked how I managed to 'keep on' (and still look fabulous - or at least when I have my makeup on and my hair done...) despite the entertaining events of a few years ago.

Yes, I'm like Mama, and Grandma Daisy and Grandma Nelly and Aunt Helen - tough women all. Real survivors. I'm tough. But as Clint Eastwood said in Million Dollar Baby, "Girlie, tough ain't enough." I believe that.

Yes, I'm God's child and the beloved of Jesus Christ. Those things are true - and I've seen other beloved children fold under unbearable pain.

That which keeps me going and keeps me trying and doesn't allow me to give up is the Vision in me. That I will teach again - on a college or university level - and in so doing, change the world around me. That I will make a difference in the area of the sexual trafficking of women and children and make the world a better place.

I believe those 2 things. I believed them when I could hardly bear to get out of bed in the morning, when I wept morning to night, when the only food the cats and I had came from my church's food pantry, when I often didn't have 15 cents in my purse.

Like Joseph with the coat of many colors, I believed that one day, I would emerge from my prison and my slavery and I would rule. And in so doing, I would change the world.

I believe it still. No matter what happens, I hang on for dear life to the Vision. I believe it is from God. I believe it is my most precious possession. It is my Pearl of Great Price, and I would sell everything I have to obtain it.

In my darkest hours, I still saw the light. As Hank Williams said - and even when he apparently didn't believe it - "I saw the light - no more darkness, no more night...Praise the Lord. I saw the light."




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