The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.

Every day...a new post. Every other real weight. Every pictures.

For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Day the 194th and NOT Weigh-In Wednesday

Yes, Reader, please let me alone on this one.

I know it was supposed to be a Weigh-In Wednesday. I know that.

But girlfriend here slept until 7:20 this morning and jumped out of bed, brushed teeth, washed face, leapt into clothing, fed cats like a whirlwind (Mimsey still isn't over it and is probably yelling her tiny head off...), and raced to work. Raced, I tell you. Raced.

Not my idea of the best way to start the day. I woke up around 3:15 and couldn't go back to sleep (this has stopped for the most part but on occasion...) so I watched the rest of a movie I had passed out during - We Were Soldiers with Mel Gibson. I don't know what you think of Mel, but my heart always goes out to him. He tries, I think, to be an observant Catholic and he also struggles with drinking and anger. I can relate (okay, not the drinking part, but you know what I mean.) I like Mel. I like most of - not all - his movies. In fact, Apocalypto is one of my favorites. And yes, I like We Were Soldiers. I like that it deals with both sides during Viet Nam - just as that 'advisory situation' was heating up in the mid-60s. Back when I first heard the name and wasn't quite sure where Viet Nam was or why we were there. It's not a great movie, but a good one.

Anyway, I watched the rest of the movie, trying not to notice that I was pretty much wide-awake for it. Then I watched most of the deleted scenes. Then, I went back to sleep at 5:45, figuring I'd sleep another 45 minutes to an hour at the most.

And woke up at 7:20. I may have to go back to setting an alarm, and that's something I have generally not had to do. I don't like alarms. They bother me. A whole lot.

So...weighing myself was not on the menu this morning. I'm surprised I got out the door with all my 'stuff.'

Last night, I got home late (thank you to having to work late because of Monday's FOREVER doctor appointment - and no blame to Dr. T or her fine workers) and just didn't feel like eating. What is UP with me?

I'm wondering if it's some sort of hidden stress. I'm missing a former friend (not dead. just absent from each other's lives. maybe permanently) and I wonder if it's this. I know it bothers me. I have had a few dreams about it.

It's hard having a friend you love to pieces but you get on each other's nerves and have trouble getting along at times or even being on the same page. We gave it 3 years, and now, no more. It hink we both tried really hard, and in the end, a hug said goodbye and that was that.

And it's time to move on. And I miss my friend. I doubt the friend is reading this, but if you are, it is you I am talking about. And even when I have been so angry with you I could spit, I still have loved you. I still do.

And I probably always will. And there's nothing either of us can do about it.



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