The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.

Every day...a new post. Every other real weight. Every pictures.

For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Day the 173rd - Days 3-5 of Advent

Reader, I had an epiphany.

No, not the actual Epiphany which I celebrate as A Happy Anglican in January (and it's just too doggone long to explain), but the reason why I did not post this weekend, AND why I felt lower than a snake's belly.

In other words, Sister here had A Big Struggle With Depression. It was Not Good, and let's let it go at that.

But first, let's get down to business with Things She Did and Things She Ate:

Things She Did:

  1. Met a friend for dinner and coffee on Friday night.

  2. Did a minimal amount of cooking on Saturday morning (so I could actually have food to eat...) and then allowed upstairs neighbor to bring a few items through my apartment as she moved out (Why? Well, there was really no other way for her to get her things out and doggone, she would have done the same for me. Yes, it was stressful. I likes me privacy...even though it was over a very short period of time.)

  3. Took long nap on Saturday afternoon despite vow to do things I needed and actually wanted to do.

  4. Went to hear Kathy the Cantor (and many other Fine Voices) sing Bach's Cantata 140 ("Wachet auf") and the Magnificat. Yes, it was lovely. Exactly what I love for Christmas. This was Saturday night.

  5. Choir practice, church, lunch with the bunch, off to a small town with the bunch to hear a friend perform in a Christmas Home-Town Holiday program on Sunday. Got finished with it all around 8 pm only to head to Village Inn to work on a paper with Tracy the Seminarian.

By this point, she was dragging and feeling very under the weather emotionally. Very under the weather.

Things She Did Not Do:

  1. Some cleaning and sorting that would have helped her immensely.

  2. Buy her Christmas tree - because she had spent all her money on Other Things and we'll leave it at that.

  3. Get to bed at a decent hour.

  4. Get in a Sunday afternoon 'down-time' of some sort.

Trust me, although the events were fun and good, 'she' pushed herself way too hard and didn't do some of the things she needed to do. She is going to change this.

Things She Ate:

  1. Lots of junk, including Charlie's Chicken and Burger King, complete with Dr. Pepper and Coca-Cola. Yes, Coca-Cola. Or, as I like to call it, Liquid Meltdown. I have no business at all drinking it. So of course, I drank it...

  2. A whole big ol' thing of artichoke dip. No, I did not need it. At all.

  3. M & M's on Friday at the end of the day "because she neeeeeeeded to..."

  4. Junk food this morning on 'the table at work.' Every job has one - a table people bring in junk, I MEAN FOOD, to share...usually, not good for a person type of food...

  5. A chocolate muffin

  6. Too many Kedem biscuits at one time. This is Not Good. Or as my friend Ringmaster says, it is No Bueno.

  7. Raspberries for breakfast this morning. She would like to pause and say that raspberries are not only delicious but they are like Red Velvet Fruit in the way they feel to your fingertips and in your mouth. They are my favorite fruit in many ways.

Things She Did Not Eat:

  1. Fresh fruit other than a few grapes on Friday and then the raspberries today.

  2. Salad (except @ Pei Wei on Friday night and delicious as it was, who knows what is in that dressing?)

  3. Green vegetables. And yes, I even avoided Fried Okra which is a pitiful excuse for a green veg, but it is one.

  4. A Hershey bar of any sort. This is progress. And as my friend Jennifer says, "People, this is huge. HUGE."

Moral of the Story: During times of stress [such as the holidays] - particularly if you are 'chemically sensitive' like 'she' is - don't eat junk. Don't drink soda pop. Don't eat refined white sugar. Do eat lots of fresh and raw stuff. Do drink lots of water and green tea and anything else with loads of antioxidents. Do get plenty of sleep. Do avoid idiots [technical term] and do surround yourself with great people.

Lunch today isn't fresh and raw but it is fairly good. White Bean Chili with Mushrooms with lowfat sour cream and cheese. No, the cheese is NOT soy cheese and neither is the sour cream. It's not great, but it's a step in the right direction. Oh yeah, and I'm going to get some fresh veg from Extraordinary New and Improved Work Salad Bar.

Then, after work, grab some gas for the vehicular transport and off to pick up work from Tracy the Seminarian. Fortunately, I will be doing much of it from my own home. I need to be at home. The cats are looking at me as if they don't recognize me. Horatius got sick to his tummy last night because I think he is stressed with mommy being either gone or crying too much. Mimsey has been extremely vocal and I think she's stressed out too.

I am better. Lots better. Sometimes, knowledge is enough to help us.

And now...Days 3-5 of Advent

Day 3 - 'The Baby Jesus Was NOT Born Under a Red Light'

My parents had interesting tree decorations and none (okay, well, almost none...) more interesting than this plastic nativity that clipped on over one of the bulbs on our Christmas tree. And one year, I put it over a red bulb. My father looked at me and said, "Weltha Jane, you put a blue bulb under that nativity, not a red one because Jesus wasn't born under a red light. And I could not for the very life of me figure out why on earth my mother shook her head at my father as he grinned slyly...

Day 4 - 'Please, O Please,' She Prayed.

I was not a morbid child - well, not more morbid than most children, who truth be told are morbid little beasters. I certainly was. Long before it was trendy, I wore (or tried to wear...) black as often as I could. I still remember with some bitterness - and yes, we are addressing this in therapy - wanting a little velvet dress that was black, black, black with a white collar and instead being forced into a fuschia one "because it brings out the color in your cheeks." Fooey on the color in my cheeks - I wanted to look dramatic. All sorts of dramatic.

Where was I? Oh yes. Morbid. Every Christmas Eve of my childhood, I prayed one very simple prayer. No, it was not "Come into my heart, Lord Jesus" or even "Heavenly Parent, please help me show the Christ Child who lives in me to the world." Nope. It was, "Please, o please, don't let me die tonight or at least not until I get to open my gifts tomorrow morning." I'm not sure why I thought a perfectly healthy elementary school child was going to breath her last on Christmas Eve but just in case, I was puttin' in my bid to postpone my demise until after I had opened the gifts. Christmas dinner was negotiable, but the gifts were not...

Day 5 - Gifts For The Teachers

Did your mother do this to you? Did she come up with some sort of gift that felt extremely lame-o for each of your teachers when you were in Junior High? Mine did, and I remember blushing with horrible shame and embarrassment as I handed out wrapped key-holders and heavenly Lord knows what else. Wrapped by my mom, with a little note attached. Or the times that she sent my dad and me out into the cold at night to "just run it over", it being Christmas cookies, or fudge, or fruitcake (more on the fruitcake - excuse me, that's The Fruitcake - in a few days...) to my teachers and our friends.

"My mom said to unwrap this right now and then put it in the icebox."

I don't know if I said "the icebox" but I know my mother did, and her mother actually owned a real icebox which required the visits of the iceman once a week, who gave The Brothers and Cousin Karen chips of ice to suck on. Yes, a real icebox.

Okay, Mom wasn't all that embarrassing, and I am kinda sorta really glad she did all that stuff. Really. I am.

Another post later today, sports fans!



1 comment:

  1. thank you Weltha, I relate to you and just enjoy your writing so much.


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