The totally shame-free, actual-life, real-time blog where I tell all, show all--without nagging or whining (all right--maybe a little whining...)--in my attempt to stop being a fat middle-aged woman who avoids mirrors and clothing stores and start being a woman at home in her body...brought to you by a real woman, the Independent Weltha Herself. I won't give any advice, and I'm not asking for any--just companionship on my journey.

Every day...a new post. Every other real weight. Every pictures.

For every woman who has ever tried to just lose the extra weight and feel good...overall and about herself...and who lived to tell the story.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Day the 172nd - Day Two of Advent

Ah, Reader. My heart is heavy. And that is why I seem to be eating things better left uneaten.

No dinner last night - just a bunch (as in 'a whole big bunch') of pita chips and Kedem biscuits. No fresh stuff... I was tired, tired, tired, and no, I didn't get my tree (yet) but I will. Meantime, I did get some really cool lights and inexpensive ornaments, which I will augment with Family Ornaments and it will be beautiful. Oh, and a star or angel which I have yet to find...And I think I might make some popcorn garlands - I did get some lovely and inexpensive ribbon to garland the tree!

This morning, breakfast was not fruit but an Everything Bagel With Garlic Herb Cream Cheese and Orange Blossom-Ginger Iced Tea from Old School. Because it's Friday, that's why.

That handy excuse is also why I am having my delicious Work Cafeteria Extraordinary Salad Bar complete with asparagus and chicken. Yum. And my own salad dressing. Because it's Friday. Because I was so tired and heavy-hearted that I told myself that if I actually got out of bed, dressed, and went to work, I could have a bagel AND I could have work salad bar. That did the trick.

Why am I heavy-hearted? It's because...I'm single. And it's the holidays. Again. To make it even more complicated, my heart was dinged a little, then one of my best friends met Someone and we're ALL glad for that (but I have to struggle with "and I didn't meet Someone. Yet." The emphasis is on 'yet' and I have to remind myself that this is not a Commentary On My Worth.) And another friend does not exactly have a Someone, but there is Someone who loves him very much, and that's a nice thing. Complicating, but nice.

And I posted on FB that I was seriously tired of being single, described what I was looking for (and what I am like...) and said, "If you know of someone like this, consider introducing us." And someone (not Someone!) commented, "Oh, it will happen when it happens. 'Relax.'"

Believe me, I know this. I do. I am relaxed. But I am also asking my friends to think. Somehow, I don't believe thinking and God's will are polar opposites. I know...I know. So, there I was again, looking for a heavy object...but contented myself with deleting the post. I'm not even sure how this person became my FB friend because the name rings no bells (and no it's not a woman with a maiden name that is hidden away...)

And a friend is in real need right now. And I am so happy I can help a bit. Not as much as I might like, but then, I don't need to solve the whole thing. Just do my part. has been a bit emotional today. Yes, I didn't eat so great last night. At the same time, I didn't buy the Large Economy Size Hershey Bar Complete With Almonds And So Big You Could Mistake It For A Laptop and then proceed to eat it all in one sitting. I am proud of myself.

And yes, delicious salad for lunch. And it was cheaper than yesterday - $4.06. Woo to the HOO!

And yes, it's Advent, and I miss my parents. A lot. A whole lot.

So...I'm segueing into Advent Meditation for Day Two (and I promise to post some fun things this weekend.)


Boy! Do I love me some Georg Friedrich Handel (even if I do want to pronounce his middle name 'Fro-drick' as in Young Frankenstein...) and boy, do I love his Messiah. I mean, the real thing. Not the 'Young Messiah' travesty of a few years back, but the real, baroque, King James Version, 4-hour extravaganza. I love almost every part of it, and some parts so much I could play them over and over and over.

Today, I was listening to..."For Unto Us A Child Is Born" and I gotta tell ya, [spoiler: She is going to Talk About Jesus, so if you don't like it, know what to do] I get all jazzed listening to the music and thinking on the scripture from Isaiah.

In fact, if you would like to listen, pause for a moment, and here it is:

It's the London Philharmonic and it gives me the shivvers.

Good - you're back.

I love those words:

For unto us a Child is born
Unto us a Son is given
And the government shall be upon His shoulders
And His name shall be called

The Chorus ends there, but the scripture continues with:

Of the increase of [his] government and peace [there shall be] no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will perform this.

It just does it for me. And I realized that the burden of my friend's needs, the sorrow another is experiencing, the pain of loss another friend knows, the uncertainty of the future for yet another - all of this is upon His shoulders. All I have to do is listen to Him and do my part. Period.

The future is filled with hope. MY future is filled with hope. Your future is, too. The futures of all my friends are filled with hope. The future of the world - in the midst of difficulty, war, injustice, wickedness, evil, sorrow, hunger - is filled with hope. That's why I can do my part - because of the hope of the increasing kingdom filled with justice.

So today, I lift up my head. I don't have to weep in frustration over what I see.

And I don't have to drown my sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry's.



No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for havin' your say! You're an INDEPENDENT WOMAN (or an INDEPENDENT MAN!), too! Just remember, this is an ADVICE-FREE please send the advice back to its room, and PLEASE comment about what you've done or just join in the ray-rah!